I Weigh

I weigh so much more than the arbitrary number on the scale beneath my feet, which is merely a product of the force of gravity holding me down to Earth.

I am all the places those feet have carried me, and the body connected to those feet.

I am the heart beating powerfully inside my chest, which has empowered and emboldened me to attempt great feats – some resulting in success, and many others in failure.

I am the mind that cultivates creative, unique ideas, that weaves strings of words together to pen interesting stories and letters that melt the hearts of those who read them. The mind that plans and executes engaging and entertaining lessons for young children. The mind that plans, problem-solves, and perseveres in times of adversity.

I am the sister who keeps texting her little brother who lives 1000 miles away, just to make sure he’s ok. I am the daughter who writes her mom letters, reminding her how much she cares. I am the wife who packs her husband healthy lunches she hopes he’ll also enjoy. I am the friend who organizes fun social events so I can bring more people together. I am the teacher who comforts anxious parents over late night phone calls. I am the co-worker who is the first to offer a lending hand.

I am the runner who was once obsessed with what I weighed, believing that the smaller that number was, the faster, more successful, and happier runner I would be. But I haven’t checked in on that number in quite some time now, and it feels pretty liberating. That number does not define me.

I weigh the comments of others in my mind. Is that true? Do I believe that? Letting others thoughts, opinions, and judgments seep into the recesses of my being. Why do I care so much? Why do I allow them so much control over my sense of self-worth?

I weigh each of my own words long after their echo has faded into silence. Did what I say offend someone? Did they correctly interpret what I truly meant to say? What if I was wrong about that situation? Over and over in my mind, again, and again, until it’s hard to remember what I even said at all.

I weigh the pros and cons of every decision. I want to always make the right decision. The best decision. Except…sometimes, it’s impossible to know which one is the best, and you just have to take a leap of faith and make a decision.

I weigh the value of myself against so many subjective and illogical measures offered to me by the world as the true way to determine my worth.

But I know that I am valuable no matter what. Regardless of my accomplishments, of others opinions of me, of my physical appearance, of my athletic performance, of my wealth, of my contributions to society.

I am inherently valuable because I exist. And it has absolutely nothing to do with what I weigh.

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